A wave of apathy has washed over me. Im finding myself to have difficulty sleeping without the aid of extreme exhaustion or sleeping pills. I don’t want to be conscious in my day to day. I just want to shuffle back and forth from the gym eat healthy read books and go to sleep… but the sleep doesnt come without the help of masterbation or Xanax.

The interesting thing is I feel healthy beyond compare my mind is sharp. I love the image in the mirror and Im feeling incredibly prideful of my intellect and opinion on everything. The problem Im having is the outside world. Any news I watch or facebook opinion I see disgusts me. Thats why I had recently deactivated my account. I hate hearing the cry of those who perceive themselves as weak. Man can create, build and achieve anything on earth. The slave is kept under the yoke not through the masters whip but from the chains he chooses to allow be cast upon him. With my final days counting down before Im rereleased into the wild. Im not afraid of turning to vice to enjoy myself in the world. Im afraid I’ll return to vice to kill the beauty inside me so that I can be happy with the world around me.

I know Ill leave Kabul a specimen of intellect and beauty only to return a bloated drunken mess with me sins written all over my face. My soul will be black with shame not because of what I’ve done but why I’ve done it.

I enjoy getting lost in my head. Its the only way to stay sane in my Job. Which may afford me the money and time to travel but it cost’s me the relationships that matter most. In these periods of loneliness I find myself turning to books as a refuge for companionship. I get to experience the full spectrum of emotions from the lexicon of humanity. The frustrating thing for me about connecting in a real way with characters in a book is my inability to engage, interact and save my friends from the doom that awaits them time and time again… Sadly, Im no Bastian. #NeverEndingStory I hopelessly get lost in a genre and I see how it effects my psyche. When I was reading a lot of English Lit #Dickens #Wilde. I found myself witty beyond compare with a diction of the time. When I was reading Twain #HuckSpecific I developed a slight draw and was totally desensitized to the word Nigger. Unbeknownst to me it crept its way into my daily vernacular now I cant say Vinegar without softening the R. Classical literature is my favorite because it allows me to time travel but I’m finding myself trying to find Classics our current period but that could be because Im currently reading Fountainhead by Ayn Rand #Modernism and Im addicted to the Heroine. #DominqueFrancon