Smiles, travel and a beautiful women is essentially the summation of my lifestyle but what provides to make that possible is isolation. That was acceptable until I found a woman I couldn’t be apart from. Which is why I have found an excuse time and time again throughout the last year to prevent me from going back to “work” because oddly enough Afghanistan is where I find peace. Im stripped away from all distractions and vices so I turn inward to develop myself professionally and personally essentially creating the perfect man just to crucify him when I return. In the past I have created so much chaos at home to welcome a return to being under arms again hungry to re-engage the enemy.

I was willing to say good-bye to my children time and time again because I could never be allowed to be the primary parent due to my gender. So my role with them has been to guide, teach and allow them to explore the planet and truly turn into the unique and beautiful people God intended them to be. While at the same time build a financial portfolio so that they will have the means to pursue any desire. I found myself in relationships with fiercely independent women who focused on goals as opposed to a shared future to shield me from deeper commitment. Unexpectedly, for the past 9 months I have shared my life with someone that has complimented me in every way and has inspired me to achieve dreams that I’d always before said “some day”. Now I find she is making my greatest dream of all become a reality “To find peace in America” and much like in war I need a team to accomplish victory. Im not saying she is my key to happiness but she is my mission objective and as long as I have a mission I will be successful.

One of my greater fears. Will she love the man I become? Since we’ve met Ive had Money, Freedom and a Job that all fueled an Ego that allowed for me to drapes around with my chest puffed out like a Rich White Republican. When I fully transition out of the Profession will I still be able to shine as brightly in her eyes? Its no hit on her but also a question of myself. Will I be a different man? Or will my Ego get the better of me so that I run back to the easy money. Essentially will I be comfortable being myself once I strip away all the things that make me… ME?

With all these questions I find whirling around my mind. I know one thing for certain. I have found someone who loves me and I would be an absolute coward if I didn’t try to “find my peace at home” to be with her.