After 2 months of an amazing time with my kids I was left feeling empty not just from the good-bye but from the fear and knowing that I would fall into a hole. Once I leave the ones that I spend my time at war to provide for I’m left with the question of why. WHY do I live a life with extreme ups and downs? The simple answer is fur coats, rolex’s, Beemer’s and beautiful Brazilians. The one that’s more complex is the desire for MORE… and as long as I can acquire my favorite vice #WhiteGirls I don’t think that will stop. I chase the high of pretty women and drunken debauchery its hard to find the bottom when Im on top of 2 pretty women.

Whats normal? Whats the standard? What will give peace? To be honest as long as I can live a post deployment life I don’t think I can evolve… but would you? The other side of this high is incredible lows but what kills me is not trying to find a new mountain to summit. Who wants to climb!!!? I need belay because otherwise I know I am destined to fall. ALWAYS BESIDE YOU.