I’ve left town and I’m back on the road with a new excitement. The time spent in civilization allowed me to realize that it was nothing more than golden handcuffs maybe even iron handcuffs. Being alone walking again is liberating “you’ve got to put one foot in front of the other put the other foot, down, down, down.”

A smile crests across my clean shaven face and I am a happy man still clean of past living only in the present. Even though I have these weird “memories” occasionally crashing into my reality. With no real connection to them they can continue to be a work of fantasy that ones mind drifts in and out of. The questions of “Who am I” or “Why am I here” is not of my concern. What is of my concern is the beautiful sky or the warm sun.

I feel outside “of it all” which is liberating. My destination is also still unknown before that was a driving factor but after my quick brush with what Im walking away from I really don’t care to find a place in that world. The world on which I control lyes within

“hawk screech”

I wonder what that hawk is hunting…

<focus all I see is symmetrical lines observing the battlefield with a 1980’s video game screen trying to acquire a target. One of which is a massive square moving down the the black river that comes alive with predators that kill but don’t consume their prey. Why is this one smaller and moving so much slower. Zip!!!! I see horizontal movement!!!! zero in dive deploy claws and destroy>

I look off to my left and see a hawk swoop down and grab something. WOW!!! The wonders of nature. This is life this is the reality I choose to live in. No control! No constructs of man. This is what we are truly apart of and the further I remove myself from civilization the clearer this becomes. Civilization is how man controls the world he lives in. Right now I am consciously deciding to defect from the White Mans world and delve back into the wild.

Im happy drunk off the unknown but still shackled. I am content with living apart because I have no binding ties. I see a group of trees and decide to strike out into its direction because of a youthful desire to climb. Where does that come from? When I get there though I see the marks of man in anchor points made for ropes and climbing. these rocks however besides for allowing for play also cast a shadow for which I am grateful after trudging through the desert sun. So I lay down legs crossed at the ankle with my head rested on the pillow of rock and I allow myself to drift off into a deep sleep.

< I exit my body in full confidence and move with the grace of a predator to project my self UP!!!! beyond my current plane quickly punching through the hemisphere and now the cosmos. I suppose this is heaven or nirvana. there is a light peace that I feel that cant be described but there is a weight that exists due to my presence even though I am alone. Now that I am here though I feel as though I am being haunted by friends who are on the lower plane but cant transcend and are to cripple to fly in the way that they previously were able.

Carlos is dead!!!! I don’t know if that is a fact but the man I know, I fear is… In my heart I know he is gone forever. What hurts most is that we soared in this plane before together enjoying the wind lifting us effortlessly but now his wings are crippled beyond repair and he will be forced to pick at the scraps left by others.>

As I shake off this wicked dream the dusk has set itself upon the desert and I begin to climb. I am unskilled and weak but thanks to Icarus I know not to fly to high. As I strain and pull myself further from the ground there is a repatriotism into the unknown and the danger that lyes there. I see an anchor point left by someone else and i hook in with my right hand and hang and let all my weight flow out of me. In an absolutely natural hold that let go of everything that I was holding onto. if it wasn’t for the effort of my grip I would allow myself to melt apart and smear myself against the rocks but as I look up I see my next hold and explode up and grab hungrily with my left hand…. Now All I see is myself in another form that of a lizard walking effortlessly up the rock face till i find a spot to collapse and enjoy the sun and drink it in until I’ve gluttonously done so till Ive past out from overindulgence.

This is the sleep that brings the Deep Rems… Although now without the attachment to the world there is nothingness… Which is a good thing…. I want to stay in a state of nihilism