Im feeling tired and lonely… Its the day before my birthday “Woot, Woot”- said unenthusiastically. This is the first trip abroad I didn’t make strength gains. I did lose 11 pounds though so I guess thats something but also a sign “I ain’t as good as I once was”.

I also found out my Diplomatic Passport hasn’t come back yet so I guess my return home is still up in the air but that has more to do with Kurdish Independence than Bureaucratic  Incompetence. Maybe that worked out for the best because even in transit on the way home at this point id be half in the bag looking for an easier/quicker way to reach rock bottom. One thing I’ve noticed on my trip over here is the clarity I get from pulling away from myself imposed hell and even how my desire to stain myself in sexual depravity drops to nill as well. These last 2 trips especially show me my love for Karina and my desire to prioritize her in my life.

This year I’ve positioned myself for radical change. The plan is to stop working abroad, Marry Karina, start school at Columbia and lest I forget move to NYC. All lauditory goals in an effort to master myself. The good news is I feel up to the challenge the bad news is I don’t know what lyes beyond. Which isn’t exactly bad… I already know to face the abyss the monster looks back but this time is different because without the ability to run off and fight external monsters. Im going to have to learn how to have a conversation with the one who lives inside me.